How's It Gonna Be

Okay, I stole my own blog virginity, but someone had to do it. ^^ Anyways, I hope a certain someone *cough* Carlton *cough* is just thrilled about the re-birth of my McBlogging.. I know I am. Okay, but in all seriousness, anyone that knows me is well aware of the fact that I write.. alot. And when I do write, I tend to scatter the pieces between Facebook notes and MySpace blogs, and some of them are dispersed randomly amongst the four corners of the internet.. somewhere. So now, I guess I have a place to tack up my bitchings, as well as the few and far between profound things I tend to dream up. So, I welcome you whole heartedly.

Okay, onto business. The financial aspects in my life are, well, let's face it, non-existent. I'm still waiting for a lovely allotment to wet my whistle before I go all McJobby. I mean, I could easily go scrounging for a job as of now, but I have some things to take care of before hand. I have a fabulous trek to Oklahoma City to make soon, and a highly anticipated side-trip to Tulsa, but all this is to come when I get the aforementioned allotment. I dunno, I have alot of things to take care of here soon.

Of course, the family.. well, I'm on speaking terms with my mom, and it's going pretty smoothly. I'd say I'm more recovered with her than anybody at the moment. As far as my brother.. it's too soon to say anything when it comes to him. He needs to come to some serious realizations and experience some drastic epiphanies before I can let him back into my life. I'm not sure whether it's a question of forgiveness, or if it's pertaining to the whole damn family's attitude towards me. They refuse to this day to let it into their minds that I'm not this sad, dependent child anymore. Jeremy seems to be a lead instigator when it comes to that matter. I'm so ready to leave here, I can hardly wait for September.

Okay, on a lighter note (not really).. guy troubles. Okay, so I've finally classified myself, really. I am and seemingly forever will be an unloveable person. Some God-forsaken curse has been placed on me that makes it that love leads me to dead ends or remote possibilities. I fail at every attempt to cling to hope, and it's getting just that: hopeless. Lord, no matter how many shots of Jeiger, no matter how many packs of Frosts I go through, no matter how many friends I surround myself with, my head hits the pillow at night followed with the painful *thwap* of regret and misery. If there's any time to just sit here and Emo all day, it's now. I dunno, love (or anything near the damn emotion) has drained all hope and optimism from me. The days are different, I cling to a glimmer of hope one day, where I'm in love with love, and there are days where I can't take anymore, and I just need a drive to forget it all. Still waiting for that proverbial knight-in-shining-whatever, I guess.

So, witches and days gone by as I nuke a bowl of Ramen noodles, and I have come to realize that tomorrow, the sun will rise.. and I will hopefully do the same.