Following Misery's Lead

So, I've managed to crawl back home to be heartily welcomed by my mother.. she couldn't be more thrilled. I'm off to Oklahoma tomorrow or Thursday, depending on when my sister and her fiance get some things settled or not. I know I'm going there, it's just the date that's sketchy. What with my trip to Oklahoma City delayed, so is my side-trip to Tulsa.. unfortunately. Eh.. I've got a few cigarettes.. I'm good for now. Today's the day I attempt to put a small bandage that is the broken leg of my family. I have relinquished bonds with my brother, and honestly, I don't know if I want them back. Once I eject somebody from my life, I usually find a way to do without them. Of course, this has it's exeptions, but for the moment, the rule stands unbroken. I don't break it for my father.. I don't even bend it. I've lived seventeen years of my life without the man, I'm sure I'll be fine.

As sad as that is, it's true. Hell, I don't even lose sleep. I live with the fact that he left us. He sought independence, I provided that for him. In the end, we all got what we wanted, I guess. But enough of this bleeding heart, nobody-knows-the-trouble-i've-seen-somebody-pour-me-a-drink-and-light-me-a-cigarette kinda thing.. I've got bigger issues to worry about. I'm thinkin' about callin' on Jesus again, like I usually do when it comes time to rise above this broken way of life I lead. Sometimes that's the only thing that gets me by, knowing that there's something to depend on. Now, don't turn away yet, I'm not goin' all preachy on ya'll.. if you know me, you know I never even voluntarilly go to church. This is what I was raised with, and I'm not afraid to claim it. Anyways, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and the road back is laid with humility. Pride covers a multitude of sins, people. Remember that.

Sooner or later, everybody's bill comes due.