In The Rough

So, once again, I have stumbled over my feet, and I'm on the ground, tattered and dirty, questioning my sanity and my ability to deserve. I know it sounds like I've been throwing a bit of a pity party lately.. I don't know, maybe I have been. The point is, I need.. reassurance. I need a good smack on the head to let me know that it's okay to get off my ass and not fear getting pushed back down. Does this make me selfish? See? There I go again. Dear God, have I learned nothing.. sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own malconfidence, I don't know what else to think.

Of course, the hopeless romantic I am, I always hope that there will be some tender heart to rescue me from the abyss, with a gentle hand to my chin to lift me up and into their somber eyes.. yeah, here I go again.. lovestruck with idea of love. Don't get me wrong, it's hardly an obsession.. it's just that, I don't know what to think when it comes to love, I mean, it's been such a vague and obscure world. If you know me, I have to have everything figured out before I can feel secure with it.. if I don't, well.. you can guess the rest. Sometimes I just can't deal with the fact that not everything is logical.. and don't be mistaken, I'm not high-strung or something like that, if you know me, you know that I'm exactly the opposite. It's just that, when there's nothing but the bare essentials there, there's got to be a visible blueprint I can see so that I know how it works. I'm wierd like that.

Maybe someday I will find out how this works, and I can be comfortable with the damn emotion for once.. but that day has yet to come, and I'm still fumbling through the misty woods blindfolded for now. Eh.. I could use a cigarette.