Bottle It Up

Alright, I'm gonna rant. Too late to change my mind, so don't bother trying.

I'll be damned, sometimes I feel so.. hopeless. I speak of none other than the realm of relationships, of course. Apparently, I think about love more than the "normal" person should.. being normal is vastly overrated, anyways. There are so many different forms of love in the world. I'm not speaking about the unconditional love of family and friends, that, we'll always have. I'm talking about the love we all search for, and only the lucky few seem to find; the 50/50 love, I call it, where both partners love each other.. almost too much, really. This type of love seems to be the only good kind.. because all the rest end in tragedy.

There's the kind where one loves the other, but the other is "too kind" to let the other down. Please, really dear, just break their heart and move on. Then there are those coniving sons-of-bitches that use and abuse, love and leave.. I think somebody's life isn't normal until they've had the displeasure of experiencing this at least once. Along with this love, there's the "love" that doesn't even deserve that title.. I speak of the useless losers who think with the wrong head and could care less about your feelings. I've encountered many of these, and I've been fooled by every single one of them. I never thought I'd feel like such a pitiful whore, but Lord, have I been proven wrong. I've been convinced that there's hardly a soul out there that really cares, that really wants to love and be loved.. it's sad, really. Then there is the lost love, where one's love is lost due to tragedy or trauma.. or due to their own shortcomings.. this kind of love never fails to bring a pitiful tear to my eye.

Then there's the love I seem to be quite the expert in, the "blind spot" love, I jokingly call it. This, of course, is the kind where I try and try, and no matter what I do, they never even see me. Most goopy, mushy love stories are about those lucky kinds of people who fall in love with each other.. but in the real world, what really happens to the rest of us? What about these sad and miserable oafs who fall in love.. alone? They are nobody's loved ones, they are the unloved, the uncarressed, the unheard, the unknown.. like a wounded, abandoned animal, they hover in their hovels, awaiting rescue that would never come. As Kate Winslet's character from "The Holiday" would say, the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!

Honestly, it doesn't matter what or who I surround myself with, I am the aformentioned description, down to the core. There's not a Valentine's Day that doesn't go by with my head hitting the pillow after a few rounds of smokes, tears, and vodka. Dear God, I am such a basket-case, no wonder no one wants to pick me up and carry me away.. would you? No, don't answer that. Augh, I need a cigarette.

Alright, I'm done ranting. You may go home now. Thanks for coming, I'll be here all week.